the style of Twain’s criticism of Cooper

Choose an author, poet, film director, or musician (or band), and write a list of five “offenses” in the style of Twain’s criticism of Cooper. Use complete sentences, and give a short explanation of each offense. Ordinarily, I don”t like to review things unless I like them. So, if I criticize someone”s work, it means I like them. If I don”t like an artist, I usually don”t criticize them. I prefer to just let other people enjoy their thing. However, this assignment will stay between you and me, so you can be as savage as you want to be, but try to establish a consistent tone, even if it is humorous or snarky.